A Bittersweet Milestone
Today is my daughter’s last day at a Summer Forest School. You can read about her first day here! It’s a bittersweet milestone, the kind that sneaks up on you even when you’ve been staring at the calendar for weeks. I love being home with her. But I have also LOVED having space. And that’s parenthood. It’s always, “both/and”.
This summer, she’s been in care two days per week, and it was one of the best investments my wife and I have made for my mental health. Looking back, I can see now how much I started to struggle when I left my job as a doula, when I drastically shifted how I spent my days.
From Doula Life to Motherhood
It was the best job I never wanted to quit, but it was brutal on my family and my nervous system. Even before pregnancy, I lived by my phone. A single text could mean I’d be gone for two hours or two days. I missed birthdays, date nights, even funerals—because babies don’t arrive on our schedules. And even so, it was so hard to not love the adrenaline of the moment. Being that close to what often felt like the veil, and I felt so capable. I f*cking crushed it as a Doula. And if labors could be magically capped at six hours and scheduled, I’d be back in a heartbeat. But alas, this is not so. So for now I’ll be teaching childbirth education class once a month virtually and offering digital workbook for purchase on my website.
Retiring my Doula hat., was our wisest move. I wanted to do the very thing I’d been in service to for a decade. I wanted to fully immerse myself. I wanted a doctorate in motherhood. And wow—did I ever get it.
Frankie is 20 months old now, and for the first time, our family feels like we’re inching toward a rhythm that works. We’re not “there” yet—whatever that means—but we’re closer. Friends and family have even told me, cautiously, that I seem… lighter.
Finding Space Again
This summer, with my kid-free days, I’ve been meeting with a career coach. Our last call she noted, that I looked good, put together and ready! My hair was done, my eyes had a swipe of mascara, my teeth brushed, no toddler on my hip. I had the brain power to send her our agenda in advance—timelines, measurable goals, put my asks in for feedback.
More than that—I had headspace. I could think beyond: Is this diaper system working? How many hours was I up last night? What needs to be done right now that I haven’t remembered to tackle? It felt good. It felt like the old me and the new me were in the same body.
The Truth About Change
I used to hate when people said parenthood “breaks you down and builds you back up into a new version of yourself.” I still think that’s oversimplified—and unfair to people who don’t have children. Any life event can break you down and build you out. But even though annoying, I have found that it’s also true in a way I can’t ignore. Sleepless nights change you. Doing things differently than your parents did changes you. Learning how to be yourself while raising a whole other person—that takes grit.
We had what people like to call a “hard” baby. After ten years in early childhood education and another ten helping new parents adjust, I assumed I’d get a pass. An “easy” baby. Not so much. But the upside? Hard babies often make fascinating toddlers. And for sure, fascinating adults. We’re looking for a high ROI on this baby.
Looking Ahead
Whether you work outside the home or stay home full-time, both carry their own kind of hard. We’re all just doing our best on string cheese and starlight.
This season has reminded me that there’s always room to come back to old loves. For now, I’m holding on to what this chapter has given me, rather than what it’s taking away.
This balance I’m chasing now is exactly why I built my childbirth education class and workbook. Because no matter how your baby arrives or what your early months look like, you deserve to have the tools, space, and confidence to find your rhythm.
—-”If you’re expecting—or know someone who is—my childbirth education class and digital workbook are now on sale at my website. There’s no one “right” way to do this, but there are plenty of ways to make it easier. Let’s find yours.”
